Waking up in the middle of the night to intense cramping and heavy bleeding after seeing a positive pregnancy test has to be one of the hardest things for a women to deal with – not disregarding the feelings of the father-to-be either.
I was only around five/six weeks but due to early testing, we had just over a week for it to sink in and for the excitement to kick in.
It was Halloween night that I ended up in A&E, miscarrying with a guy who was dressed as dead Aladdin staring at me through his curtain. That image is one of the most haunting images of the whole scenario.
Three whole months went by after the miscarriage and it got harder to deal with the more negative pregnancy tests that I took. Then in the February, I finally tested positive and it was a very mixed-emotion moment for both myself and my fiancé. After having one healthy pregnancy and a baby boy, to having a miscarriage, we couldn’t let ourselves get too excited.
One day I was positive that I’d get to meet our baby and the next day I was negative and was waiting for every slight niggling cramp to turn into another miscarriage.
Nine months later and through a rather stressful pregnancy of early contractions, but thankfully no early labour, I gave birth with a successful VBAC to a beautiful daughter, Iris Raine.
Throughout my pregnancy and since Iris’ birth, I have days where I look back on the miscarriage and the what ifs. What if I hadn’t miscarried? What would that baby have become? I think they’re the typical questions that go through people’s minds.
It was particularly hard when I was in the middle of my pregnancy but would have been at my due date.
My miscarriage taught me a lot. It taught me to appreciate, cherish and most importantly, love.
When we fell pregnant in October 2015, we knew we wanted a baby and were excited at the prospect of becoming a family of four, Lucas becoming a big brother and the memories we were going to create as we extended our little family. After the miscarriage, it became clear just how much we wanted…