The Alternative Office Christmas Party With My Small Colleagues

The office Christmas party season is upon us! Yay. Time to meet with work colleagues for the annual knees-up to celebrate the holiday period over food, drink and sheer joy. However, this year, my Christmas extravaganza was a little different to previous years, for I shared a table with my new, small colleagues – namely the two boys I look after as their nanny. “Christmas Time, Mistletoe and Wine”, he sings at the top of his voice. Partaaay!

My boss? Their parents. Boss is too strong a word, though, as is the kindness they have shown me since arriving into their boys’ lives as a nanny last May. They suggested going out for a meal – my wife and daughter also attended.

A “no nonsense” feast, “£200 per head and an unlimited bar”? I jokingly asked.

Here you will find 14 things that did not happen during this alternative festive gathering of colleagues at a local restaurant:

1. There was no fancy dress or dressing to impress people you see daily.

There was rather an air of dressing down. I wore a talc infused jumper with some spaghetti stained jeans freshly delivered from lunchtime with my own daughter.

2. There were no ‘pre-drinks’, neither was there any downing of copious amounts of alcohol until you somehow end up vigorously debating the pros and cons of Brexit… with colleagues you have never spoken to.

Nope. Instead, I downed the remainder of my daughter’s blackcurrant juice as my pre-drink. During my meal, I think I had lemonade with a shot of strong orange juice. And, we didn’t debate anything.

3. No ridiculously over-priced three-course meal in sight.

Nope. No time for that here. A Wowcher coupon. They had their two boys and I had my daughter. We have both learnt to accept that three course meals as parents are as common as a seeing a Tyrannosaurus Rex taking a selfie of himself and a Triceratops.

4. No dancing like a lunatic to Mariah Carey, Slade or Sir Cliff on the dance floor.

There was no dance floor. I tapped my feet to the faint background sound of that East 17 song. My daughter randomly…

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