Ten Alternative Milestone Cards For Babies

Following on from this post I thought I would share with you the alternative milestone cards I wish I had made. At least the baby might actually have a chance of hitting these ones.

Milestone Cards, if you haven’t seen them, are given to baby to hold when they learn to sit, stand and get a tooth, before taking a proud photo for the album. They actually make a lovely gift for an expectant parent, however it would have to be one more organised and observant than myself.

1) Today I did a poo so explosive it required a full outfit change

Usually achieved within days of birth. The baby achieved this milestone during a visit to the zoo at a week or so old. He happened to be feeding at the time, covering me too. Result!

2) Today I was sick in my mum or dad’s mouth

NEVER play aeroplanes with a baby that has just been fed. You think I’d learn, right?

3) Today I rolled off the bed

One moment they are completely stationary, the next they can roll two feet in the time it takes you to get your trousers on. Usually happens unfeasibly early on.

4) Today I pooed in the bath

If you’re lucky, you won’t be in there when it happens.

5) Today I ate something really disgusting 

Fishing half eaten insects out of a baby’s mouth is one of the joys of summer. 

6) Today I took my nappy off while everyone was asleep 

If you’re extremely lucky the bed will only be decorated with wee.

7) Today I ate junk food for the first time
Weaning on jaffa cakes is fine for second children, right?
8) Today I had my first proper public meltdown

The toddler achieved this milestone much, much quicker than anticipated – around 14 months. I can imagine this photograph would be a keeper.

9) Today I drew on the walls

Still waiting for this one. I do realise that my complacency will get me and it’s bound to happen eventually.

10) Today I said my first swear word

Let’s face it, it’ll happen.

This post first appeared here.

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