Postnatal Depression – That Mother Of An Illness!

I’ve debated about whether or not to write about this but I decided, it’s not a secret and who knows talking about it might help someone else? So lets do this guys…

Lets get it out there, Postnatal depression is a mother f****r!!

It’s sneaky for starters! It creeps up on you without you realising it and slowly but surely leaves you feeling like a piece of crap!

Secondly, it doesn’t come with spots, a high temperature, a rash or swelling, nothing that lets people know that you’re ill. Oh look she’s got the PND rash, she could probably do with some help or a listening ear. Nope! It hides away, so only you know. Worse still, with no ‘evidence’, have you even really got it?! There’s no x-ray or blood test to determine your diagnoses. Do people doubt you? Do they think you just need to ‘pull yourself together’ and ‘get on with things’? Maybe you do? That’s how PND works, it makes you doubt yourself. It makes you feel weak and useless when deep down you know that’s not you, but maybe you’ve forgotten the old you, before PND arrived like an unwelcome visitor who wouldn’t leave.

I have suffered from depression in the past. I don’t talk about it often because I don’t want it to define me. I don’t like to think of myself as a ‘depressed’ person. I’m a happy, positive, life loving person who just happened to get that illness for a while. I also had appendicitis but I’m not a ‘burst appendix’ sort of person either despite the scar across my tummy as a lifelong reminder.

Because I’d had the illness before, I knew there was a good chance I might suffer postnatal depression when Caitlin (my eldest) was born and was ready to spot the symptoms early on so I could get help, but they never came. PND must have been paying some other poor soul a visit, and I was spared. I didn’t suffer again for a long time, and I guess I became complacent, so when Elle was born I didn’t recognise the signs. By the time I started to notice that I wasn’t feeling myself, that “black dog”, as Winston Churchill called it, had…

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