One In Four Pregnancies Ends In Miscarriage – So Why Aren't We Talking About It More?

Part Four In A Four Part Series About Fertility And How We Experience It

Nikki was surrounded by pregnant women when she first suspected she might be miscarrying. The 36-year-old, 10 weeks pregnant at the time, was on her way to an event for expectant mothers when she first noticed blood in the toilet. Sitting among the swollen bellies of women who were 7 to 8 months pregnant, she just “had an intuition”. On the way home, she called her husband, who started furiously googling; he reassured her that bleeding during the early stages of pregnancy can be “perfectly normal”.

But the next day the couple’s greatest fear was confirmed after they were referred for a scan. Only then did they learn that Nikki had been carrying twins – a second blow: “It was a double hit of loss, and the lost chance that maybe one of them could have survived,” Nikki explains. Over a year on, she still struggles to find the words to describe those first moments. “I couldn’t even walk I was so sad,” she recalls, tearing up during our interview. “It makes me sad now.”

Nikki was given the option of waiting for her pregnancy tissue to pass naturally (which can take a few weeks); taking medication, which causes the cervix to open, allowing the tissue to pass more quickly; or having surgery to remove it. She chose the medication. “I couldn’t bear the idea of bleeding for another month and the heartbreaking feeling would just be drawn out,” she says.

Lisa Evans/HuffPost UK

Within 24 hours, Nikki was curled up in a ball on her bathroom floor while her husband rubbed her back and held her hand. “It was the most intense physical and emotional pain I’ve ever known,” says Nikki, adding that some women have likened the pain to labour itself. The bleeding lasted for about 10 days after she took the pills and she got through a super sanitary pad every hour – a crimson reminder of her loss. This was accompanied by an intense mix of emotions, including shame,…

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