A big worry of mine is how my mental illness is going to impact on my daughter and will my bad days affect her.
Will she think I’m a bad mum?
I’ve learnt this:
We all have good and bad days. I guess it’s learning how to deal with them. For me I feel PTSD has changed my personality but I am still me. I am more anxious and hate crowds I will try not to put myself in a situation like that. My heart races and I feel like I am going to pass out. I worry about what could happen. My counsellor did breathing techniques with me, I still do them now. They help me when I feel anxious, I was in two car accidents before the birth trauma. I am a nervous driver – this technique helps me a lot whilst driving and when I’m feeling generally anxious. Since being diagnosed with PTSD and suffering a traumatic birth I trust people less, mainly medical staff. I have bad days and I still have flashbacks. I get angry and upset.
But I am still me.
When you have a bad day don’t feel guilty you are a GOOD mum and dad. We need to tell people that more.
I have learnt that by having our bad days we shouldn’t feel guilt as we are showing our children that the world is not full of rainbows and roses. We are showing them that we have bad days and tough times. We are showing them how to deal with them as an individual and that in having a bad day we can deal with it by loving and supporting each other. We are showing them that ‘it’s ok not to be ok’. It’s ok to ask for help and you don’t have to just put a smile on your face and carry on.
Most importantly it’s finding that person that will listen. It doesn’t matter if that is family or a friend or if it’s a support group that you decided to reach out to over social media.
It’s hard but good to get things off your chest. I’ve been there where I’ve got in the car and drove off slamming the front door behind me not wanting to speak to my husband about how I am feeling. I’ve gone to bed without saying a word. But I’ve learnt that in speaking to him and my counsellor it gradually felt more…