Weddings. With a tiny baby. What could be worse?! Well, yes – we’ve all seen and heard the horror stories. But it doesn’t have to be that way with some preparation and life hacks!
1. He’ll chunder, spit up, probably leak all over, and generally ruin his first outfit. Decide if you want your baby to be in the same outfit in all wedding photos or, like any good presenter of the Oscars, have six or seven outfits for the event. Then either buy multiple versions of the one outfit, or a tonne of others.
2. Double or triple all the kit you have in the baby bag. Six nappies? Bring twelve. A pack of baby wipes? Two. One portable changing mat? Better make it three.
3. Arrive a few hours, or days, before the ceremony. You’re gonna need to scout the set up for feeding areas, exits, isle seats and pram friendly access. Know your Alamo!
4. Accept that he’ll be sick on you at some point.
5. And knowing that, make sure that the mum has various layers she can peel off after every sick or spit up incident. We’re talking shawl, jacket, cardigan, dress. In that order. And definitely ensure she doesn’t wear dark colours! Sick can blend into white or cream…
6. As a dad in a suit, make sure you never hold the baby…unless you can pull off a white or light suit. And if you can I’m jealous. Why? Because he could blow at any minute, and that’s not a good look on a suit. This isn’t your time to shine, chaps. And if you do have to hold the baby, make him face away from you. Claim it’s so people can see his face, and can take photos of him…it’s the perfect alibi.
7. Make sure he has an easily removable dribble bib so that he can ‘blue steel’ every photo. Bibs these days can look cool and jaunty, but after a couple of hours they look pretty shiny, and no amount of Instagram filters can make it look good…
8. Bring something to cover the pram for when he’s sleeping. Everyone will want to stick their head in to get a look. Could you sleep like that? Me neither.
9. Stick a boob (or equivalent) in his face during the speeches and…